No Hangover The Next Day

I remember that after being sober for five years, I thought about trying nonalcoholic beer for a while. The way that I looked at it back then was, that since it tasted like beer, but it didn’t have any alcohol, it would be OK for me to drink it. A few people did tell me, that it was going to screw up my sobriety, because after having a few of them, I would want to drink the real thing. To be honest with you, I just looked at them, as if they were fucking crazy and didn’t know what the hell they were talking about. Well… a few years after drinking regular beer and finding out that my alcohol tolerance is higher, I look back and realize, that those people were absolutely right.

The way that I look at it now is, that even if I’m not getting drunk because my alcohol tolerance is higher, if I try nonalcoholic beer, I would want to drink the real thing, because I just love getting drunk. I guess, that what I am trying to say is, that no matter what, I’m really going to stay away from alcohol or anything that tastes like it for a while. To be honest with you, last weekend was my first in a while, that I didn’t drink, plus I just didn’t feel like drinking at all. I have to say, that my wife was surprised and happy. I mean, she doesn’t mind my drinking, she just hates that I binge drink. She tells me, that she is alright with me having just a few beers on the weekends, it’s just that she hates that I always binge drink, to the point that I go to bed crazy drunk. What’s the best thing about not drinking? No hangover the next day.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Morning Depression Sucks

For the past month or two, I have noticed that I have been waking up in a really bad mood. I have to say, that my whole life, I have been a morning person. I also know, that I did went off of my crazy meds for a while, but a couple of weeks ago, my shrink put me back on them, he did lower the dosage of Prozac from  80mg a day to 40mg a day. The thing about is, that I used to wake up feeling normal and even sometimes happy. Now I feel angry, mad, frustrated and feeling like everything around me and in life just plain and simply sucks. I feel like if I don’t want to take a bath, get dressed, make coffee or even go to work. In other words, I just want to be left the fuck alone.

I just keep feeling like if life is just a fucking hamster wheel, every fucking day I do the same shit. I feel like if nothing changes. I look at TV and the same bullshit is on the air every single fucking day. When I look at the news, they keep talking about the same fucking stories. In other words, my life feels like the 1993 film “Groundhog day”. I know that I shouldn’t have gone off of my crazy meds, but I just wanted to see what it would be like, if I wasn’t taking them. I guess maybe I just found out the hard way. I know it’s going to take a couple of weeks for my crazy meds to build back up in my system, so I’ll just have to hang on and be patient. But to be honest with you, this really sucks.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

WTF Are People Thinking?

“Radio host loses job after sexual comments on teen Olympian”

“Bronx teacher sparks outrage for using black students in cruel slavery lesson”

“Lawyer charged with stealing $1,600 from wallet that was dropped in Wake courthouse”

“Seven prison guards arrested for sexually assaulting female inmates who ‘had nowhere to turn for help”

“Teens busted after threatening to shoot up Brooklyn high school

My only three questions are. What the fuck is wrong with some people? What the fuck are some people thinking these days? Do they even think before they do or say something?

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Conspicuous Consumption In My Hood

Ever since I was a teenager, I remember seeing some people in my neighborhood driving expensive cars with very expensive sound systems. They used to buy expensive clothes, sneakers and jewelry. I knew that all that they wanted to do was to draw attention and to show off. They wanted everyone to think that they had money and that the rest of the community couldn’t afford what the individual could. The funny thing about me was, that when I saw such individual driving or walking down the block, I would just turn my head the other way. Why? Because in my mind, they just looked like fucking clowns and so I found them to be ridiculous.

Thirty plus years later, and I was still asking myself why do people like to show off? Then I learned something new, and it is called “conspicuous consumption”. The term refers to consumers who buy expensive items to display wealth and income rather than to cover the real needs of the consumer. In other words, people use consumer goods as a means of displaying status and so they play a wealth-signaling game. The key words here are wealth and income. Why? Because personally, I know a few people who buy expensive items and talk shit about it every minute they get, in the attempt to impress others. When in reality, they are broke ass motherfuckers, who owe money to everyone they know. For example, I’ve even seen people in my hood, who have spent hundreds of dollars on a brand new smartphone, but can’t afford to pay their rent or put gas in their car. That’s how broke they are. I know it is their money, but what bothers me the most is, when they ask to borrow money from me. Dumb-ass people like that, are all over the world.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

My High Alcohol Tolerance

I know! I know!I know!I know!I know! That I have said many times, that I will stop drinking, but you have to understand, that sometimes, I have friends come over to my home on the weekends, even though they play poker and I don’t, we have a couple of beers while having nice and interesting conversations. But first things first! I’m not an everyday drinker, I only drink on the weekends, plus I have gone four to five weeks without a beer. During those weeks, I’ve never had the urge to drink. With that said! For a couple of weeks now, I have noticed, that even though I drink my usual two six packs of beer, I’m not getting drunk… the hell! I don’t even get a buzz anymore!

So, just like any concerned known alcoholic… Yes! Yes! Yes! I call myself a known alcoholic and not an anonymous alcoholic. Why? Because everyone knows that I love drinking. Anyways! I did some research and I found out that there are people, that after drinking for a while, their alcohol tolerance changes. For example drinking a lot may cause liver enzymes that break down alcohol to become more active”. The way that I look at that is, that even if I only drink on the weekends, my body’s alcohol tolerance is higher now. The way that I interpret that is, that I have to quit drinking for good. I mean, don’t get me wrong here, plus I’m not going to lie, I’m going to be honest with you, I’m staying away from alcohol, because the drunk effect that I was always looking for, is gone now. So, what is the point in me drinking? To run to the bathroom every five minutes just for the hell of it? Nah! I don’t think so!

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Coming To Terms With My OCD

For as far back as I can remember, I have suffered from Pure-O OCD (Purely Obsessional Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder). Throughout the years, I have tried many crazy meds, but only one of them actually helped with the intrusive thoughts, but that was only for a few days. My current shrink has tried numerous combinations of crazy meds, but to be honest with you, nothing has worked for me. When I got psychiatric help for the first time, I thought that I was going to be prescribed a magic pill, that was going to take all of the symptoms away. In the back of my mind, I thought that somehow, I was going to be just like everyone else… “normal”. For years and years, I thought that one day, my shrinks were going to find the right combination of crazy meds… or better yet, a cure.

To be honest with you, I still hate the fact that I suffer from Pure-O OCD, specially the shameful and ugly intrusive thoughts that keep popping up in my mind for no reason at all. I hate having to fight them off on a daily basis. I hate thinking and visualizing bad things about the people who I love so much. After dealing with it my entire life, I have come to understand, that for the rest of my life, I will be dealing with my OCD. Don’t get me wrong, they might come up with better and improved crazy meds, but the reality of it all is, that I can’t wish it or make it go away no matter how hard I try. You see, the thing is, that no matter what my OCD does to me mentally, I am me and not the other way around.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

The Rush Hour Triathlon

Five days a week, I take the train to and from work. And five days a week, I see people killing themselves to either get a seat in the train or get off the train and up the stairs or elevators. The funny thing about it all is, that I just love to stand back and look at how fucking ridiculous they look. I keep asking myself, how would these people behave in Armageddon? These people are just going to be pushing kids, women, the elderly and handicap people out of their way in order to save themselves. It’s just incredible how some humans behave when put in the rush hour triathlon.

Me in the other hand, I just like to stand back and look at human behavior at its best. I mean don’t get me wrong, I understand that some people might be late getting somewhere. But why don’t they do like me… I leave FUCKING early! I understand that I live in New York City and everything moves fast, but come on! Pushing people out of their way, just to get a fucking seat in the train? The way that I look at it is like this, there’s always a train behind that one. Unless for some weird and unexplained reason, The New York City MTA runs out of trains! Whatever the reason behind the rush is, I refuse to join the crazy people in their quest to get a seat in the train or to get to wherever they are going in a rush. My solution to the rush triathlon problem is… I leave early. Hey look! If you are late, you are late. It doesn’t matter if you run over the lady with the cane or the little kid and his pregnant mother. As a matter of fact, I’m not going to break a leg or my neck, just to get to where I am going in a rush. Hey idiot! No matter what happens and how much you rush, you are still gonna be late!

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Do Not Fucking Disturb Me!

Funny - 1

First things first! When it comes to technology, I can’t say that I am a pro, but I can surely say that I am savvy and  knowledgeable, plus I keep up to date with it. I’m the type of person, who has liked and has embraced technology from an early age. I even went as far as teaching myself, the basics of the BASIC programing language, back in the early 80’s. Even though I didn’t finish college back in early 2001, while attending, I was introduced to coding. I also have to add, that I own a personal computer, tablet and smartphone. But the thing is, that I don’t let technology interrupt my daily dealing with life. Specially my sleep.

The thing about me is, that I for example, do not receive or make none emergency calls to and from anyone before 12:00 pm and after 9:30 pm… that includes family and friends… and specially on the weekends, when I’m chilling like a villain at home. Call me crazy or old school, but that’s just a rule that I have been following for years. So, I just don’t fucking get assholes, that for some fucking stupid reason, think that I will pick up when they call me for none emergency shit, before 12:00 pm on a weekend. Hey look! If it is truly an emergency, they can leave me a message and I will get back to them as soon as possible. Other than that, I hate dumb-asses, that don’t have shit to do early in the morning or late at night and decide to start calling people to talk shit. The way that I look at it is… if you don’t have shit to do, don’t do it on my time!

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

About Assholes, Dicks And Pussies

“Pussies don’t like dicks, because pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes — assholes who just want to shit on everything. Pussies may think they can deal with assholes their way. But the only thing that can fuck an asshole is a dick, with some balls. The problem with dicks is that they fuck too much or fuck when it isn’t appropriate — and it takes a pussy to show them that. But sometimes, pussies can be so full of shit that they become assholes themselves… because pussies are only an inch and half away from ass holes. I don’t know much about this crazy, crazy world, but I do know that if you don’t let us fuck this asshole, we’re going to have our dicks and pussies all covered in shit!”. Urban Dictionary (2010, November 18). Greatest speech ever. Retrieved from https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=greatest%20speech%20ever

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

There Are Jobs Out Here

Reporters keep mentioning how the economy is getting better and how more jobs are being created over time. Hey look! I am no expert and or don’t hold a degree in business or economics. But I can tell one thing… there are a lot of jobs out there. The way that I look at it is, that “some people” are more interested in finding jobs in a specific field, salary rate or both, which I find crazy in this economic day and age. The reason that I feel like that is, because even though I went to college, I never graduated. So what I am trying to say is, that throughout the years, I have held a lot of different jobs, from factory work to customer service representative.

My whole point is, that with a family to feed and bills to pay, I have never been picky when it comes to finding work. Since I don’t have a college degree, I just have to take whatever work comes along. You see, in my neighborhood, I’ve seen some young people complaining about the lack of jobs. But to be honest with you, the one thing that community activist and lawmakers don’t dare to say is, that there are jobs in my community, it’s just that they don’t pay what the young people “expect to be paid for the work that they perform”. Don’t get me wrong, I’m proud of the young people who I see working in fast food joints and other businesses everyday in my neighborhood. I know what it is like, because I went through that. It’s just the handful that want to be lazy asses, that bother me. I know this, because I personally know a couple of them.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Life After Sleeve Gastrectomy Surgery

About three years I ago, I had a weight loss surgery that is known as a vertical sleeve gastrectomy. One thing that I will like to make clear is, that I didn’t have the surgery to look more attractive or sexier than what I am already. LOL! But on the serious side, being that I am 5′ 11″, my highest weight before the surgery was 270 Lbs. I have to say that because of my obesity, I was suffering from high blood pressure, high cholesterol, type II diabetes, ankle pain, knee pain and the two herniated disks in my lower back  were killing me. I was also on meds for my blood pressure, cholesterol, diabetes, plus I was also using insulin on a daily basis.

My point is, that there are many people who think that when a person has any type of weight loss surgery, life continues as usual. But the reality of it all is, that it doesn’t. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t regret that I had the surgery, plus I went down to 190 Lbs and was taken off of all the meds, including the insulin. I have to also add, that because of one specific crazy med that I am on right now and because of my bad eating habits, I did gain 40 Lbs back… which I am currently working on. The thing is, that for the rest of my life, I have to take a daily dose of calcium and multi vitamins. The reason for that is, that I have a smaller stomach now, so the amount of food that I eat, is not enough to provide my body with the needed vitamins and minerals. My thing is, that some people have weight loss surgery for all of the wrong reasons.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

My So Called Friend

About 20+ years ago, I met a guy who lived right across the street from me, and after many, many years, we became good friends. I remember that we used to get drunk like crazy on the weekends. As a matter a fact, we used to hangout and have a lot of fun, because we shared similar sense of humor and taste in comedy and comedians. Our friendship was so fun, that back then, we used to go online, to just look for the weirdest porno shit that we could find, in order to outdo the other and then shared it with one another. A few years later, he met a woman who he fell in love with and in time he married her and she became the mother of his children.

The thing is, that his wife, for some unknown reason, never liked my wife or myself. My so-called friend moved out of the neighborhood with her and would come visit me from time to time, but he made it clear, that his wife couldn’t find out that he was visiting the old neighborhood… even if his mother still lived across the street from me, he didn’t even visited her. You see, the one thing that I noticed about his new friends was, that they were all his wife’s friend’s husbands and boyfriends. In other words, I later came to understand, that his wife didn’t like my wife and I, because she was the one, who decided who he was friends with. And that is the reason why I don’t pick up the phone, when he calls me every couple of months. Even though he is my so-called friend, I just don’t want him to get in trouble with his wife.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

I’m Too Old For That Shit

Demotivational Poster - 20

I can say that I truly understand when young kids see others kids do something and they try to imitate them. I can go as far as to say, that I even understand teenagers that do the same, when it comes to following fashion trends. The reason for that is, that I remember that when I got my first job as a young teenager, I use to follow some of the latest fashion trends myself. I, like most kids from the hood, used to spend all of my money on expensive jeans, sneakers and other stuff, especially since my mother wasn’t able to afford them for me.

The whole thing is, that even before I hit my 20’s, I realized that I was just being a brand and or fashion slave. To be honest with you, absolutely no one had to tell me, how stupid it was to be loyal to brands. It just happened that one day, I realized how dumb and stupid I was, for spending my hard-earned cash on something, only because of the brand or because others were wearing it. Hey look! If someone can afford a product and they want to go out and buy it… good for them! The thing is, that I don’t want to hear that same person, bitch and moan about how they can’t pay their bills. I do have to say, that it is sad to see someone around my age camping out in front of a store for days, just to be one of the first to buy a stupid fucking phone. IT’S JUST A FUCKING DAMN PHONE!

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Depression Sucks!

Life sucks and then some! There are people out there that like myself, feel that they suck as human beings, fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, sons, daughters… well I guess you know where I’m going with this. You see, to be honest with you, I have my good days and my bad days. There are a lot of days that I just don’t want to get out of bed and face the world. I just want to be left alone in my little cocoon. But the reality of it all is, that no matter how fucked up I feel in  a given day, I have to get out of bed and deal with life. Hey look! I’ve been off of Prozac for close to two months now, but that was my choice. Even while I was on Prozac, there were days that I felt like shit. But I still dealt with them as they came.

For a very long time I thought that I was going to be on crazy meds my whole life. But I have to say, that I believe that my shrink thought that too. I guess I decided to go off Prozac, because I wanted to know what it feels like to be me again. Don’t get me wrong, I still take my anxiety and mood meds, but only when needed. I guess that what I am trying to say is, that I know for a fact that I need my crazy meds from time to time, but one thing for sure is, that I don’t believe that I need them to be able to function in life. To be honest with you, this here crazy and insane blog of mine has helped me tremendously when it comes to dealing with my crazy thoughts and depression, because I get to say how and what I feel.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!