Morning Depression Sucks

For the past month or two, I have noticed that I have been waking up in a really bad mood. I have to say, that my whole life, I have been a morning person. I also know, that I did went off of my crazy meds for a while, but a couple of weeks ago, my shrink put me back on them, he did lower the dosage of Prozac from  80mg a day to 40mg a day. The thing about is, that I used to wake up feeling normal and even sometimes happy. Now I feel angry, mad, frustrated and feeling like everything around me and in life just plain and simply sucks. I feel like if I don’t want to take a bath, get dressed, make coffee or even go to work. In other words, I just want to be left the fuck alone.

I just keep feeling like if life is just a fucking hamster wheel, every fucking day I do the same shit. I feel like if nothing changes. I look at TV and the same bullshit is on the air every single fucking day. When I look at the news, they keep talking about the same fucking stories. In other words, my life feels like the 1993 film “Groundhog day”. I know that I shouldn’t have gone off of my crazy meds, but I just wanted to see what it would be like, if I wasn’t taking them. I guess maybe I just found out the hard way. I know it’s going to take a couple of weeks for my crazy meds to build back up in my system, so I’ll just have to hang on and be patient. But to be honest with you, this really sucks.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Depression Sucks!

Life sucks and then some! There are people out there that like myself, feel that they suck as human beings, fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, sons, daughters… well I guess you know where I’m going with this. You see, to be honest with you, I have my good days and my bad days. There are a lot of days that I just don’t want to get out of bed and face the world. I just want to be left alone in my little cocoon. But the reality of it all is, that no matter how fucked up I feel in  a given day, I have to get out of bed and deal with life. Hey look! I’ve been off of Prozac for close to two months now, but that was my choice. Even while I was on Prozac, there were days that I felt like shit. But I still dealt with them as they came.

For a very long time I thought that I was going to be on crazy meds my whole life. But I have to say, that I believe that my shrink thought that too. I guess I decided to go off Prozac, because I wanted to know what it feels like to be me again. Don’t get me wrong, I still take my anxiety and mood meds, but only when needed. I guess that what I am trying to say is, that I know for a fact that I need my crazy meds from time to time, but one thing for sure is, that I don’t believe that I need them to be able to function in life. To be honest with you, this here crazy and insane blog of mine has helped me tremendously when it comes to dealing with my crazy thoughts and depression, because I get to say how and what I feel.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!