I Can’t Read Mind For Shit!

It’s funny, that I have been married for 30 years already… boy!… how time flies! It’s funny, because when I was young, I never thought about being married for so long. I just knew that one day, I would find the right person, get married and have kids, but that was it. In other words, I never did put much thought, to being with the same person for so long. Don’t get me wrong now! They have been the best 30 years of my life. But like babies… relationships and marriage don’t come with an instruction book either. The truth of the matter is that it might be sad to say it, but it is really true, that men are from Mars and women are from Venus.

You see, throughout history, we men have been called many things by women…  including but not limited to bastards, stupid, insensitive, dumb asses and even assholes. But one thing that we can’t be called, are mind readers. My point here is, that even after 30 years with my wife, even after trying many, many, many times over and over and over again and failing every single time, I have to come clean and admit. I can’t read my wife’s mind for shit! Yes that’s right! I can’t read my wife’s mind, even if my life depended on it… which it has in many occasions… for example, when asked. How do I look in this dress? Do I look fat? Or which color do you like? In other words ladies, please, please, please, just give us some hints. Don’t just let us high and dry.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

My Children Are Not An Extension Of Me

Some of you might now know this, but I am the happy and proud dad to a 27-year-old daughter and a 23-year-old son. But this post is not about them, it’s about parents who think that their kids are really an extension or carbon copy of them. You see, they really have to finally realize that their kids are also human beings. That they are individually created. That they have their own body and brain. Just like we did when we were growing up, they will make mistakes as they learn about life and the world we live in. 

The whole point that I’m trying to make here is, that no matter how good we believe we are as parents, the final decisions are in the hands of our kids. You see, just like my parents and their parents before them, I have given my kids hundreds, who knows, maybe thousands of advice. But the whole thing is. Do they or will they follow them? I can only assure you, that maybe, just maybe, they will follow a hand full of them. But the whole thing about being a parent is, that I know where they come from, because I’ve been there. I keep in mind that when I was young, I was also naive and stupid sometimes. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that my kids are stupid, I’m just saying that they want to learn the ropes on their own. One thing for sure is, that as a parent, I don’t and will never breath down their necks, in the end, they will do as they please.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all! 

My No Movement Movement

Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! You read the tittle right! You see… I’m going to start a movement without any movement. Why? Because that is the flavor of the month. Are you sad? Start a movement! Are you happy? Start a movement! Do you suck as a human being? Start a movement! Are you a very involved slacktivist? Start a movement! Are you an armchair activist? What the fuck! Just start a fucking movement! OK, sooooo I know that by now, my loyal 1.5 readers are asking themselves. Where is this crazy ass guy with a blog going with this? Well, in my personal opinion, I think that today’s society is just full of big fat fucking babies! Everything stinks to them, nothing smells good.

Hey look, people have the right to start movements whenever the fuck they want to. It’s just that people really have to grow the fuck up, grow some hairy ass balls and learn how to deal with life as grown ups, like we used to do back in my days. Some people really believe, that if they start a dumb-ass hashtag in what I love to call an antisocial networking site, they will change the world from the comfort of their home or office. My point of view is, that grown ass people have to learn how to let go of shit and move on, if that doesn’t work, then get professional help and go on crazy meds. But the sad reality is, that so many parents have taught their kids… who are adults now, how to bitch and moan when they don’t like something. Please people, just learn how to change the fucking channel and move on. I know everyone wants change, but a dumb and stupid hashtag is not going do shit for a cause! Oh crap! I almost forgot! Spread the word… #NoMovementMovement

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Stop Being a Little Bitch And Stand Up For Yourself!

About twelve years ago, for the first time in my whole life, I got help for my OCD. But to be honest with you, this post is not about my OCD. This post is about one thing that I did learned from my first shrink. I remember that way back then, I would get so mad at someone, that I would blackout and say things, that I couldn’t remember when asked a few minutes later. You see, the whole thing was, that when someone made me feel bad, I would put my feelings in a bottle and put that bottle away. In other words, I wasn’t standing up for myself when I had to. At the time, I didn’t know how as an adult, that approach was emotionally affecting me, since I’ve been doing it my entire life.

I remember my shrink telling me, that when someone made me feel bad in any way shape or form, for me to let the person know right away… but in a nice way. The whole thing was, that if I didn’t stop the person right there and then, in the future, they would continue their behavior towards me. So then, I would react the way that I was reacting towards that person. Being a shy person my entire life, it was hard for me at first, because I felt that I would hurt the other person’s feelings. But then I thought. What about my feelings? Don’t they count? What about how that person made me feel? My point is, that you have to stop being a little bitch and stand up for yourself. Don’t get me wrong, I am not telling you to be an asshole about it, just to let people know how they made you feel at that exact moment. Just don’t let it go, because it will continue to happen over and over again.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Motivational Speakers Are Full Of Shit

Wikipedia says that “A motivational speaker or inspirational speaker is a speaker who makes speeches intended to motivate or inspire an audience. Such speakers may attempt to challenge or transform their audiences”. The way that I have always and personally looked at them is, that they are people who are full of shit and who get paid a whole bunch of money, for talking about shit without really knowing their audience. Why? Because a motivational speaker can talk all he or she wants about being strong and making it in life. But what if a person is just suffering from depression and actually needs help and not some dumb ass pep talk, from a rich dumb-ass that don’t know a thing or two about mental health?

Please! Please! Please! Please! Don’t get me wrong now! I’m not trying to be a Debbie Downer or a Negative Nelly here! I just like to be honest about life. The way that I look at motivational speakers is. Who the fuck knows how many unresolved issues and problems they might have in their personal lives, yet they want to motivate others? I mean think about it. Have you ever heard about their personal life struggles? Yes you have, but only the ones that they want you to know about, not the whole story. So why the fuck should I be motivated by a completely fucking liar? The way that I look at it is, that I deal with my shits as they come. I really don’t need a bullshit artist telling me what to do, feel or think. When it is all said and done, at the end of the day, I’m the one that has to deal with my conscience when I go to bed.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Shits I Don’t Blog About

Even though I say “It’s a blog about nothing”, and I blog about anything and everything that has to do with me, there are three topics that I don’t blog about, and they are as follows, #1) Politics, #2) Religion and #3) Sports. First things first, and I have to be honest with my loyal 1.5 readers. I hate the fucking stupid and ignorant so-called lifestyle bloggers. Why? Because I hate people who do something for the money and not because they love it. Another reason is, that they blog about shit that they don’t know the first thing about, like mental health and other topics that they should just shut the fuck off about. WOW! I really had to get all of that shit out of my system!

Now getting back to the three topics that I don’t touch on my here crazy and insane blog. I don’t blog about politics, because everyone has a different point of view when it comes to who is a better political candidate and why. I also have to add that I hate politicians, because they are fucking liars and assholes, who would do and say anything, just to get elected. On the other hand, I don’t blog about religion because plain and simply put, I don’t believe in any of them and all of their bullshit stories. I believe in what I believe, the way that I want to believe. And last, I don’t blog about sports, because I am not into them, plus I believe that athletes are overpaid assholes, with gigantic egos, thin skins and who are also suffering from small penises complex. They play the many sports, not because they love it, but because they want to become rich celebrities, who think the world owes them something. In more clear words… they can all go fuck themselves!

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

The Drinking Game

OK, I can’t tell a lie, I did drink this past weekend. So why do I drink? Because I don’t have shit to do on the weekends. You see, I do run errands with my wife early Saturday mornings, but after that, I don’t have shit to do, than to watch TV or mix or listen to some House music. I know! I know! I know! I know! I know! Why don’t I look for something better to do on my free time? I have to say, it is not easy, specially in the Winter time. You have to understand, that I hate the cold weather and the snow, so there is no chance in hell, that I will go outside to do shit.

My shrink has suggested numerous times, that I do volunteer work on my free time, but the thing about is that most organization want me to commit a set amount of time, which I can’t do. I mean, I’m only off from work on Saturdays and Sundays and I feel that if I volunteer one or both days, I’m not going to get the rest that I need and I won’t have any alone time. Yes! Yes! Yes! I really like and enjoy some alone time to reboot and recharge my body and my mind. So next time, I’ll just have to stop the stinking thinking as soon as it starts.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

It’s A Blog About Nothing

It’s funny, but I try to post to this here insane blog almost everyday. But the number one question that keeps popping into my mind is. Why do some people even bother reading all the crazy shit that I write about? I mean, does it even makes sense to them? First of all, I don’t have a niche or topic, so I post about anything and everything that comes to my mind on a given day. And second of all, I don’t even know what I am doing. I know, I know, I know, I know, I know… It doesn’t make sense at all to all of my loyal 10 readers. But to be honest with you, it really doesn’t even make sense to me at all either. You have to understand, that I also blog in order to get my crazy thoughts out of my head and on to something.

I know that out of my loyal 10 readers, maybe 1 or 2 might ask. Why the fuck is this a blog about nothing, when you blog about your thoughts? Like I mentioned before, my blog is not a niche blog or a blog about a specific topic. That is the reason why I call it that. To me, it is a place to breathe out, exhale and in other words, get shit out of my mind. It’s a way for me not to go insane. I know that I am crazy because of my multiple mental disorders, but one thing that I can assure you is, that I am not insane… or at least not yet… I feel that I am not there yet, but I am pretty sure that I am getting there. One thing that I would like to say from the bottom of my heart is, thank you for reading my crazy blog about nothing. Better yet, thanks to those who take the time from their busy and crazy lives, to comment on my crazy posts.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!